Lianorm Telegraph #60 @20-03-2011
OSALOT MAKES IMPERIALS ANGRY
And now he’s a wanted Bothan
14-03-2011@Lianorm – by Azira – A rare moment of bravery in an attempt to impress Oddensa left several Imperials maimed and killed and now the culprit, Osalot, is terrified to come out of his house. The reason? The Imperials have put a bounty on his head! Azira found him cowering in a dark corner of one of his houses and asked him if he felt it was worth it. “Oddensa has such silky soft fur,” he sniffed, “She smells like an old doormat lightly scented with Dantooinian lavender. It drives me wild. I just can’t keep away!” he said as his eyes welled with tears. We can only hope the bounty hunter turns up sooner rather than later to put this poor being out of his misery before he runs up an epic Kleenex bill.
BIOGE CAUGHT LITTERING
He narrowly avoids a fine
14-03-2011@Lianorm – by Azira – As I was on my way to Iv’va’s Cloud Car to hitch a lift to Forghyl’s enhancement shop on Dantooine recently, I happened to notice that there was a diabolical stench emanating from a nearby trench. I followed my nose and upon closer inspection I discovered a dirty, smelly, smoking old swoop bike lying there in the gutter. As a Militia member, I was able to check the registration in my datapad and so discovered that the owner was none other than Bioge! After a stern talking to, Bioge packed the offending vehicle away and apologised, and looked very sheepish indeed, but later made up for it by making a generous contribution to Xiramia’s Build-A-Buff workshop collection.
AZIRA’S BACK IN TOWN
And in one piece, thankfully
08-03-2011@Lianorm – by Azira – After a long and gruelling flight back from the outer rim I have safely landed back in Lianorm. I was glad to see that everything was as I left it (apart from the grass near the cantina being a little sparse in certain areas) and went straight to my bed to catch up on some much needed sleep! Later I was happy to discover Hurst’s edition of the Lianorm Telegraph amongst my post and would like to publicly thank him on a job well done, as well as graciously agreeing to take over the duties as Editor in Chief. Thank you Hurst!
In other news, the Mayor is back on the scene too, but hasn’t been in town much recently. She’s practically been to every civilised planet in our Galaxy. I comm’d her to find out what was going on and she replied, that she had “been bitten by the collecting bug”. Could this mean that our beloved Mayor will be neglecting her duties in the coming period? Apparently not. Alyxa had these words for everyone, “While I’ve been away I’ve had plenty of time to think and I’ve got some great community event ideas up my sleeve. Keep an eye out for upcoming city announcements!”
Alyxa says “Do You Know…?” all the way from Bothawui
– That a Bothan must shampoo daily to achieve shiny fur?
– That I sometimes cannot be bothered to do this?
– That the Basic language developed from Bothese? (ha!)
– That Iaklub hates Ewoks?
– That half the Galaxy hates Ewoks too?
– That -Wolf’s loud music on Naboo can be heard even on Bothawui?
RABBITS FOUND MOWING LIANORM’S GRASS
Bengel is enthusiastically on the job
26-02-2011@Lianorm – by Elusia – A small vir vur type rabbit named Bengel has been found mowing the grass around Lianorm square, an activity which marks the return of a proud tradition for the species. When I first moved into Lianorm six years ago, this task belonged to a small vir vur named Dennis, and has been handed down through the generations since. For a while (under Mayor Bialar’s reign) there were no vir vurs cutting the grass and it became very, very long. But Mayor Alyxa, tired of being dwarfed by the grass, called on Galactic Bio-Engineer-to-the-Stars, Oddi Mosse, to engineer a vir vur especially suited for the job of mowing grass. But since Alyxa has been away Bengel is proving a little too efficient, and there are now huge bald patches where he has gobbled up all the grass — especially outside my house! If you see him eating too much grass in one area, be sure to drive at him very fast with an AV-21 so that he moves on to the next spot.
FREELOADER’S CUNNING COMBAT COLUMN
This week, -Wolf gives us a few tips on how to be a Sly Smuggler!
This column isn’t really suited to a full blown smuggler guide, but here are a few tips.
1. Do the underworld stuff. It starts in Bestine from an NPC called Barak near the shuttle port. The delivery missions can be very tedious, but you get an extra 600 armour points (300 if you’re wearing armour), a 3 meter range bonus (this also works with melee; VERY good against Jedi if you’re a melee smug), and 3% damage (we all love more damage!). It also bags you a decent weapon if you’re strapped for cash. Another bonus is the weapon upgrade kits. Don’t use these ‘til your combat level is high enough to use the 3rd tier skill. They then give you a sizable bonus to your damage output. A hundred kits can be used to purchase a very good kinetic DL44 from the smugglers junk NPC (use someone else’s NPC to save having to respec your expertise if you don’t have it).
2. The expertise “Call a favor” NPC. These seem like a good idea, and it’s an even better idea to spend the point on the medic one, but be warned: they can frequently get you killed in hard PVE content situations, which is exactly the kind of situations you’d be using them in! Usually what happens is that you incap but the NPC keeps on fighting. When you get up you are instantly drawn into combat again instead of losing aggro from the mob(s). This can lead to instant double incaps and all sorts of trouble. I don’t recommend them!
3. The expertise boxes leading up to Pistol Whip sound good and useful, but they’re not. Don’t waste any more points in them than you have to. The “Blaster at your side” skill under P/W isn’t much use either. It sounds like a good damage bonus, especially to pistols, but the damage addition is divided by your weapons speed. So melee gets the full amount (only 180 for a CL90) and pistols only get about a third of it. Not a very great bonus when it costs (up to) 2 expertise points!
4. The expertise “Spot a sucker” line is an equally bad investment. It works as it says it does, but costs way too much when you could put those points in other things, such as the “Off the cuff” line! The lined pockets and other innate armour boxes are good, and even though they don’t directly stack with armour suits they do provide a sizable bonus, especially to your elemental resists. However the damage reduction boxes under them are near worthless. The reduction takes place AFTER armour resists and other reductions are taking place. 4% of 1000 damage is a lot less than 4% of what could originally have been 8000 before resists. This is another great example of checking what _really_ goes on with a stat or modifier before you choose it based on how cool it sounds (see Telegraph #58 about suit mods).
Next week: how to dress ‘Underworld’ and yet more Smuggler tips from the master!
POSITIONS VACANT: Got a vendor? Consider placing it in the Lianorm Mall! The Mall is a stone’s throw from the shuttleport which makes it an ideal selling spot. We’re looking for traders who can provide quality goods such as weapons, furniture, housing, vehicles, power bits, and possibly even BM pets and supplies! Sound like your business? Contact Bialar, -Wolf or Alyxa for access to place your vendor.
Dr. IAK’S PROBLEM CORNER
If you have a problem, send a mail to Dr. Iaklub. He has the solution!
Dear Dr Iak
I’ve been trying to finish my Build-A-Buff Workshop collection for what seems like an age! Whenever someone of a profession I need watches me, no matter how much I shake my butt or jiggle my bits, their buff almost never counts towards my collection. What am I doing wrong? Please help!
– Yours hopefully, Xiramia, Master Entertainer
I think I know what your problem is. Now you have always struck me as a very classy and sophisticated young lady of breeding, high morals and impeccable fashion sense. While I am sure we all respect that, it’s not that much of an incentive to go and watch you when you perform your poetry recitals in a cantina.
In a cantina most men want to get drunk and stare at pretty ladies wobbly bits. Unfortunately discussions of philosophy and astro-physics are not big on our agenda when all we want to do is bury our faces in some well endowed young barmaid.
In short I suggest that you curtail your more intellectual pursuits while trying to get as many men to watch you as possible and buy yourself something that does reveal a lot of skin and will show off your wobbly bits to their best advantage. That will get the perverts flocking to you and watching you which will increase your chances of getting the professions you need. Also allowing free motorboating to the professions you need will give them more incentive to watch you
– Dr Iak “Lianorms 2nd biggest Pervert after -Wolf” Nifoce
ENDORIAN EXCITEMENT – PART 2
A short story by Hurst Quayzar – At the end of last issue’s instalment Hurst was caught at cot-leg point by a frantic Utchi, his Ewokian guardian. This week we continue the story…
Utchi had a wild look in his eyes and he started gibbering again. I was able to dissect some of his excited and frantic conversation with me.
It seems that he had mistakenly used his lucky gem as a rock in his sling shot, when he was hunting a Mantigrue. And the Mantigrue actually caught and ate the gem. He was hunting the creature for some wooly hide that he needed for his family. The green gem was from his deceased Father, a great, ancient Ewokian Hunter from his tribe. He always had the gem with him when he hunted. He felt that the gem held his fathers’ sacred spirit and good fortune within it. Now everything started to make sense. He wanted help to hunt this creature down.
“Give me a sec,” I said surveying my now destroyed tent. “Let me find my pistol Utchi and we will get that gem back.”
Pistol in hand, he lead me to the area of the Mantigrue.
“Utchi,” I said in a puzzled voice, counting the birds with my pistol. “They all look the same to me. Which one is it?”
A Mantigrue was a Mantigrue to me. There was at least 4 of them hovering around a nest. But Utchi knew. He stuck his nose in the air and gave a couple of good sniffs, then pointed to the one that was flying a little lower than the others with a frayed wing.
“Okay, here we go’” I said, not thinking everything through as I fired at the suspected Mantigrue.
Before I knew it, Utchi and I were running like crazy. All of the Mantigrues swarmed at us when I fired at the one. I blindly fired behind me as I ran, jumping over stumps and splashing through soggy swamp pits.
I pulled my com unit from my shirt…
“Droideka… guard!” Needless to say, I was panicking. These Mantigrue would tear Utchi and me apart. We ducked under some heavy shrubbery for a minute of two before I heard my Droideka firing into the forest. Utchi and I came out of hiding and I began to fire at the winged creatures with renewed confidence. The Mantigrues began to drop one at a time. With each one dropping, Utchi would give out a cheer.
Finally, the last one dropped. Figures it would be the suspected one that ate Utchi’s precious gem. We cut the beast open with a crude Ewokian knife. There, in the smell and acidic mucus of the Mantigrues’ stomach, laid Utchi’s gem. He quickly scooped it up and wiped it off with some leaves. He bowed to me several times and petted my hand. His once wild, scared eyes were replaced with one of gratitude and friendship.
Other Ewoks showed up soon afterward. The party Utchi had called began to carve the wooly hide from the Mantigrues. Tonight was a good night for his tribe. The Mantigrue hides and meat for his tribe would prove to be beneficial for weeks to come. Several other Ewoks greeted and thanked me, but I knew Utchi truly meant it. I bid my farewell with Utchi and headed back to camp.
I had most of the camp cleaned up before I realized I had forgotten a couple of things. First was my article for the Lianorm Telegraph. My now cracked data pad had the stats on it but no story. The second…
“My fishing pole!”
I ran down to the river bank to see nothing but an empty, broken cradle.
“Must have been a pretty big fish to yank it out of the locked cradle like that”, I thought to myself. Now, I need to send Camaro a fishing pole request.
Utchis’ fish stories may just have some validity.
—–End of edition—–
Copyright: Azira – Lianorm, Naboo, Eclipse Galaxy
Lianorm Telegraph archive: http://bit.ly/lia_telegraph
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